Like a child
by Alzbel
Summary: Too young for Arkham. Too insane for any juvenile center. Batman decides to adopt the teenage clown. Now, the only one who seems sane enough in the house is Alfred. Batman/Joker Fluff.
1. Don't buy, adopt!

Hi! I have to say, I'm not a native english speaker, actually I'm from Spain, so yeah. Prepare yourself for gramatical mistakes, weird things and inexistent words from my invention. Sorry! I just want to learn... So please, feel free to leave a review and tell me what's wrong so I can correct it ;) Anyway, hope you like it!

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Too young for Arkham. Too insane for any juvenile center.

Batman watches as the clown plays with his fingers, looking completely absorbed with it. He looks so small, sitting on the floor, with his hands handcuffed. His legs are crossed, and his usual clothes are dry and dirty. He looks like another fifteen-year-old boy, but Bruce knows him well. No one else would have their face covered with paint. No one else would have his scars and his disturbed gaze. He is capable of anything to show Gotham who he is.

Gordon steps aside him. The two are looking through the glass, silently, watching the criminal doing whatever he is doing. Probably he is planning to escape again, thinks Bruce.

"Well", sights the commisioner, holding his cup of coffee "what we're going to do with him?"

Batman just stands there quietly. For the very first moment in his live, he doesn't know what to do with a criminal. Beat him again? Yeah, that was funny for the clown. Throw his directly to Arkham? Something is telling him not to. Prision? Never again.

So what now?

Joker rises his gaze from his fingers and looks directly at them, like he can see through the black glass. He looks just directly at Batman. At Bruce. And smiles again. His hair is dripping from the water of the rain. He just started shaking from the cold an hour ago.

He licks his lips, as he always do, and then he pronunces one word in silent, not even letting any sound went outside his mouse.

'Bruce' reads Batman from the clown's lips.

One week ago, Batman made Joker promise he would never reveal his identity. Know, being in that situation, Bruce doubts if Joker will decide to tell the valuable information for one of his attempts to get attention and break free from his captors.

'Bruce'

Enough.

Batman irrupts in the interrogation room, making the clown to step on his feet and reculate, not sure what his hero would do this time. But for his surprise and for Gordon's, Batman grabs the criminal for the dry coat and starts to drag him to the door.

In a pair of seconds, Gordon is just outside the room, questioning Bruce with the look in his eyes. But Batman only have to yell 'he's going with me' to take him aside.

Now Joker tries to walk as fast as Batman and not to fall to the floor, following him outside the building and inside the Batmobile. The other man decides not to unhandcuff Joker, just in case he decides to do something strange. He just opens the acompaintment's door and throws him inside the car. The other finishes upside down on the seat, but manages to sit straight and facing forward, folding his legs against his body and smiling once more. He continues to shake. A few seconds later, Batman opens the other door and sits besides him. Jokes giggles as Bruce takes off his helmet.

"What I'm going to do with you?" he frowns. The other just starts to laugh at him maniacally. Then he starts to cough again.

Bruce sights. Insane, and know… sick. Perfect. He grabs his cape, separating it from the suit, and covers Joker with it. Instantly, Joker frozes. He wasn't expecting that, but… That smell of him… He decides to leave it on.


	2. Home sweet home

And here. We. GO.

Another mini-chapter! Not a native english speaker, so it'll be mistakes. A LOT. Tell me where they are in the reviews. Am I making gramatical mistakes in order to get reviews? Me?

He~

(Maybe?)

Enjoy!

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Alfred is awoken by the sound of the alarm of the Batcave, indicating the door has been opened. It'll probably be Bruce, coming back from his round. He puts his slippers and goes downstairs.

He instantly freezes in his place when he sees Joker stepping outside the car. Bruce catches him before he could even say anything, and tries to calm the englishman.

"No one will accept Joker in his juvenile center, Alfred. He knows already who we are, who I am. And he's just-"

"Insane, Master Bruce! He's insane!" says Alfred. He's scared for what Joker could do in here.

Suddenly, inside the Batmobile starts to sound a loud beep. The two man turn to face Joker, who looks at them like he hasn't done anything. He hits again the car with his elbow, not even moving from his feet, and the alarm is cut.

"Alfred, maybe..." Bruce turns to the Joker again, keeping an eye (he's now trying to get the handcuffs out), and lows his voice facing again the old man "...maybe I can teach him to be normal."

"So now he's not only crazy, you're too" sights the other.

"I'll keep him in a room. He's not gonna escape"

"As you want, Master Bruce" gives up Alfred "But you're going to take care of this new son of yours. I'm not treating with criminals."

"He's not my son, Alfred" smiles the other man "I'm not even twenty..."


	3. Green water

So I just realised that my A/N are almost as long as the chapter itself... So here goes a long one! Thank you for your reviews! I'm really glad you are enjoying this little story :D I know Joker is a little (just little?) OOC, but I think that makes him more hilarious, ya know...

Enjoy!

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Joker continues shaking as he follows Bruce towards the bathroom. He doesn't even know where the older man is taking him. He is just trying to start a conversation with his nemesis.

"Soooooo… uh, Bats… Who is that 'AlfMAN', mmh? Is your puppy or..."

"Shut up" cuts him off. Joker let's a small laugh escape from his lips. He returns his gaze to the handcuffs. It's starting to hurt a little.

"I guess now I'm your puppy too… "Joker giggle "Tell me… mmmh… I'm your favorite one, Bats?"

They finally reach the bathroom, and by the time Joker sees where Bruce has taken him, he crosses his arms.

"Go inside, you need a bath" just says the other man, but Joker steps aside, biting his lips.

"I'm already wet, thank you sooooo much" Bruce won't tolerate anything more. He just grabs Joker from the handcuffs and manages to take him in. Joker just let's out a gasp of pain. He can't even fight with that fever.

* * *

"Look, now your preeetty bathtub is green" points out Joker. He sounds tired. His eyes are merely open.

The bathtub isn't green, but the water. Bruce is searching for champoo in the drawers, but he haven't got any for curly hair. At the end, he decides to take one that smells like coconut.

As he kneels next to the bathtub, he can't help but observe silently his face without paint. A few minutes ago he have been horrified for all the scars and bruises Joker have in his skin. But, oh boy, he would have never expected that. Joker almost seems normal.

Joker is hugging himself inside the tub, and he's resting his chin on his knees. Bruce have already realized that what he hates is getting his pain off, not being naked in front of him. In fact, without make-up, he actually feels naked, thinks Bruce. But, it was something he'd to do. At least he had his handcuffs out. Now Joker have two more bruises on his wrists.

So Bruce grabs the shampoo and starts to put it onto Joker's hair. The green color it's almost gone, but he wants it all off of the clown's hair. Under it, he discovers blonde curls.

Joker seems a little mad now, but he mutters a 'whatever' before starting to play with the colored water. It's almost overflowing from the bathtub, and Joker decides that if Bats wants to get him wet, he'll have to deal with a wet floor too.

Bruce is still washing his hair, trying not to let the soap in his eyes, when all of a sudden, Joker chops heavily on the surface of the water.

"Splash!" shouts Joker. And by the time he starts to giggle again, Bruce is already wet like the other.

"Not funny"

"Ya know it is Bats"

* * *

Bruce tries to get himself dry with a towel. He stares at Joker, who looks so small in Bruce's bathrobe. The two are now in his bedroom, where the clean clothes are. Maybe, thinks Bruce, starting to look in the closet, maybe there's some small t-shirt for him.

Joker is bouncing in the bed by the time the man has found a long-sleeve shirt with a pair of pirate pants. Joker is already wearing his underwear under the bathrobe.

"Get down and put these" he orders. Joker is having fun, seeing Bats pissed off but trying to control himself. But decides to stop bouncing on the bed, he's feeling weak again. He looks with curiosity the clothes that Bruce gives him. For a moment, the older one fears that Joker would not like them.

"Why can't I go naked? Another not-to-do society thing, mmh?" and Bruce merely punches him in the face but manages not to when he adds "We both know ya like it..."

"Shut up and put these on!" yells Bruce, before throwing at him the two pieces.

The pants fits him perfectly, but the sleeves of the shirt are too long for his arms. The clown seems to wear a straight jacket… again. Bruce is about to search for something more small, but then sees how Joker pats the fabric and touches it.

"Soft" he says.


	4. Bed time

Bed time. Joker didn't wanted anything to eat, and Bruce is glad for it - they would have probably started another argument.

Alfred insists in putting Joker in one of the cells in the Batcave, but Bruce wants him near, in case he decides 'to take a walk' while the two are resting. He observes him. Joker is merely standing in his feet. After the bath, he seems tired and sleepy. If he doesn't do anything, he would probably lie right here, in the middle of the corridor.

"Ok" and taking the handcuffs out of his poket, he puts one to the clown, who merely complains, and the other on him. The handcuffs are conected by a large chain, so they would be able to sleep comfortably.

Bruce pulls Joker to his room. Once there, he take one of the two pillows on the bed and throws it to the other.

"You sleep on the floor"

Then, he lays down, covering himself with the sheets. The other just stands there, hugging the pillow.

"You're bad, BADman" mumbles to himself, before jumping on the bed and rolling to the other side, squashing Bruce.

"What the fuck, Joker?!" yells Batman. The clown just hugs more tight the pillow and curls up in a ball.

Bruce watches him sleep. The clown buries his face against the pillow and mumbles something. Why can't he take everyday a nap for like, twenty four hours? Jeez.

Bruce glares at the sheet that covers him for a moment. He then covers Joker with it, too. The clown may get worse if he sleeps without it.

Finally, he just closes the eyes and falls asleep too, thinking in what to say to Alfred tomorrow morning.

"It's not what it seems like" tells Bruce to Alfred while the butler opens the curtains.

"Whatever you say, Master Bruce" and sunddely remembering something, he handles him a key "It's for the handcuffs. You told me Joker would be sleeping on the floor"

"He just… He is sick, so..." mumbles, freeing himself and Joker from the handcuffs. He continues to sleep. He decides not to wake him.

"May I start to call him 'Master Joker'" jokes Alfred, while Bruce changes his clothes.

"Please, don't"


End file.
